thankful for .....

happy thanksgiving!!!!!!!! so i do this every year i feel the need to blog about all the things i am thankful for!!

1st im going to start off with how thankful i am for neal he is so amazing we have almost been dating a year!!!! ahh so exciting and ive known him for almost five years so crazy!!!!! i love him so much and i have no idea what i would do without this amazing man by my side!!!!

2nd thing im thankful for is our beautiful baby girl sage!!! she was unexpected but she is amazing and we love her so much!!!! 

3rd im so freakin thankful for my amazing family!!!!!! all of you guys are amazing!!!!!!!!!!!  i love you all so much and look up to every single on of you!!!!!!

4th im so thankful for ashley dude i have no clue what id do without you!!!!!! you are my best friend for live!!!! you have done so much for me i could never thank you enough for all that you do!!!!!!

5th i am so thankful for neals family im so glad i am welcomed in i love you guys!!!!!

6th im thankful for all the mistakes Ive made!!! i have learned something from each and every one of them!!!! with all that Ive learned i also think they have made me what i am today!!!!

i am so thankful for my family and friends!!! i love you all so much!!!!!!

new news!!!

so this month i have gotten some news that at first was really hard to think about!! but i think it is settled with me now and now im excited!!! haha i bet your all thinking im pregnant hahaha nope no baby in my belly!!! but it does have to do with a baby!!! about a month ago one a Wednesday neal got a call from someone he used to date she said i need to talk to you so he went and talked to her and she told him that she had a kid. time added up when they were together.. so he came to my house and told me the news. At first i broke down and couldn't stop crying... i asked him where that left us and he said " sam we are still getting married you are the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with" so of course i cried more!!!! the thought kept rolling into my head of him being with someone else and the thought of him holding his baby that i didn't have a part of making.. it hurt... but after about an hour of crying i started laughing uncontrollably he asked what was so funny and i told him we could totally be on the maury show!!!! ( i've always wanted to be on that show cuz i think its really funny!!!) he then started laughing too!!! then he asked if i was mad so i told him the truth "im sad but not mad it was your past i cant be mad at something in your past"!! we both told each other how much we love each other and hugged for a long time!!! we got him in for a paternity  test and waited about two weeks for the results they came back and sure enough neal has a little girl!! we got to meet her on friday she is adorable!!!! neal and i are together in this!!! i am proud to be a stepmom and i love neal with my whole heart!!! i know we can get though this together i am so thankful for neal and i am excited for the challenges that are going to be down the road. no matter what its neal and i forever!!! i love my fiance!!! i cant wait to marry him!!! <3

sage 4 months old

so i have been looking for a new job for what feels like forever!!! the search is over!! i am now a teachers aide for a kindergarten class for a school in American Fork!!!!! im so excited!!! i think this will be a job that im great and and one that i'll love!!! what im even more excited for is that this will help me and neal be able to get to our goals faster!!! im hoping we can either move up our wedding date up or at least get an apartment and move out sooner!!!!! yay for a job!!!! im so thankful that i have a man in my life that supports me in everything i do!! i love him with all of my heart!!!!! he is my best friend and i cant wait to marry him!!!!!

R.I.P. hayhay

today it has been one year since i lost my little life saver hayley!!

she saved me countless times!!! im so thankful that i had her in my life!! today has been pretty hard to think about a year ago tonight she started seizing on my floor i was so scared!!! i remember jake (my brother) coming to my rescue and telling me it was going to be ok and all i could say was 'i was so scared i didn't know what to do' i remember seeing the life fade out of her adorable brown eyes... when mom and dad went to get clothes and shoes on they told me to stay with her so i held her and told her thank you for all that she did for me with out her i have no idea where my life would be now.. honestly i think i would be hooked on hard drugs without a family and in a really dark place!! thanks to hazerbeebum i am home with my loving family the most amazing man by my side and getting married in april!!! life has changed for the better and i really do think hayley had everything to do with that so thank haybay miss and love you hope heaven is great!!! <3

im engaged!!!!!!

ahhh sorry this is a little late but neal proposed!!!!!!! he asked me on my birthday it was amazing as a little girl i used to dream about getting asked on my birthday so it was perfect!!! we had some problems with the ring so we took the first one back and went to Zales and found an amazing ring i love it!!!!!!! im so excited to marry neal and spend the rest of my life with him!!!!! <3

this was the first ring....

this is the new ring!!

 i might have got my dog boots... =P

i just wrote a really not so happy blog so i want to say how much i love neal stokes he is the best thing thats ever happened to me he always knows just what to say to make me feel so much better! i have no idea what i would do without him!!! i cant wait to spend forever with him!!!! baby you me together forever!!! im so blessed to have you by my side!!! i love you so much!

i had to get it off my chest...

so i got fired... my boss was such an ass though so im ok with it!! but i am looking for another job cuz i really want to keep saving for a wedding and a new car!! im really excited for what i think i have in store for me this week!! im very hopeful at least!! =P in other news my ashley is coming home in 18 days!!!!!! and she gets to stay for nine days!!!!!!! im so excited i cant wait to see her!!!!!!!!! ahhhh 3 days till my birthday!! i'm pretty excited about it but not as excited as i usually am!! i think its crazy i'm going to be 20!!! i feel so old!! i am also holding alot of guilt this year.. last year on my birthday i made a really big mistake and i really hurt my family!!! i still hear about it every once and a while but with how bad i made them feel i felt a ton worse!!! it killed me what i did to them i wish they could feel my heart break every time someone brings it up!! i know that i came back and now i have my family back stronger then ever and the most amazing man by my side but i still feel so bad!! to any one i hurt last year i am so so so sorry!! i hate when they bring it up now because it was such a hard time for me to think about now i have no clue what was going through my mind!! but every time someone brings it up i just keep my head down cuz im not really sure what else to say i know my mom and dad see how much i still feel guilty about it cuz every time it comes up mom looks at me to see if im ok and i just give a little smile cuz if not im gonna cry!! neal always squeezes my hand when it comes up and thats one of the many reasons i love him so much!! just looking at him i know my future is going to be amazing!! i know ashley always looks at me too to let me know the past is the past and make sure im ok im so glad i have her!! she has helped me so much more then i could ever tell her!! i just really wish it would never come up and i know that it was my mistake so i should own up to it but i feel like i already have!! im so glad i am out of that situation now and that my family and best friend and amazing dog got me out of it!!! hayley made it alot easier to leave and try to start new!! she waited tell i was home and safe to die and i cant thank her enough for waiting she saved me!! im so thankful that my life has become a million times better and that i have the most amazing man by my side to make me want to be better and try as hard as i can to do my best in everything i do!!! i cant believe i have a man as amazing as him!!! im so blessed with each and every day!!  im so excited for our future together!! im sorry for venting but its been on my chest for a while now so i needed to! i love my family!!! im so thankful for all the blessing ive gotten in my life!!

hey there!! well i haven't blogged FOREVER!!! sorry about that!! my life has totally taken off in a good way lol! i have really exciting news so exciting that i turn into a little school girl every time i talk about it!!!! neal and i have been talking about getting married!!!! ahhhhh im so excited to be able to spend the rest of my life with the man i love!!! I'm pretty sure we are thinking sooner then later! we were a little wiry about our finances for a wedding but my family has offered to help witch is amazing shows just how friggin awesome my family is!!! haha now just to wait tell he pops that question lol :P but wedding wise im thinking something easy maybe at a church or something! no temple wedding though cuz first off i cant! second off i want my family there!! so maybe if we want to down the line we will get sealed. but ahh im so excited i love neal with all of my heart!! i honestly cant see me without him anymore!!! i am so in love with him!!

2012 much better then 2011

so i do this every so often within every year i take some time out to think about where i am compared to last year..... so last June i was in hell!!! my life was a mess!!! my family knows what im talking about i completely lost myself!! it was a really hard time in my life and i hate even thinking about it i am in such a better place now its crazy!!!! i have Neal by my side and he is a dream come true honestly a night is shinning armor!! i have a job some times i hate it but its a full time job so i am a lot better off there as well!! i have an adorable puppy!! i have Neal's family and i love them so friggin much they are all so fun to hang out with!!!

So I haven't blogged for a really long time sorry bout that!! But life is going pretty good!! Neal and I are doing very good still I love him so much it's crazy!!! It blows my mind that I found someone so perfect!! He makes my day every day!!! I would be so lost without him by my side!! With him by my side I know I can take the world on!! I am so lucky and so blessed!! Some times when I think back on my life and when I was going through hard times the person I always turned to is Neal!! For the past three years almost four he has been there for me always and I know he always will be!! I got him a really good birthday gift and I am thrilled for him to see what I got him I did kinda go overboard with it but he deserves it with how much he does and how hard he works!!! It's the least I can do!! I am having a really hard time not telling him what I got him but it's so going to be worth the wait!! In other news my best friend Ashley is in Chicago!! She is being a nanny for a year! So far she is loving it and I couldn't be more proud!! Our goodby was really sad!!! I totally cried!! It's crazy I mean we have been in this town for 20 years so her leaving for a year was way sad but It still feels like shes here lol a few days ago I was like I need to go shopping maybe Ashley will wanna go... Oh wait lol she is a little far away!! But we still talk all the time and that's good and she is doing great there!!!! :) ok well I think that about all for tonight I'm friggin tired!! Peace out girl scouts~-~-~-~

job!

i don't have much time but i thought i should tell you how work went!! i think it went pretty good its a lot of stuff to learn but i think i can do it!! i hate having to wake up so early it is kicking my but!!! at least i have a good full time job!! well im off to work ill explain more about my job later!!

Yay life!!

wow im sorry its been so long since ive updated this!! My life has been a little crazy!! I'll back track a little!! We got Neal all moved in with his parents he is settled in pretty good! I love Neal's family so this isn't near as hard as I thought it was going to be!! Kaci is living with me!!! I really love her being here!! She is getting bigger and so is her personality :) I was putting job apps in like crazy looking for a good job I tried a place called dialogue marketing it's a call center! Within a few days I got called for an interview went to the interview and got a second interview that day!!! The second one didn't go near as good as the first but I guess I did better then I thought cuz I got the job!!!!! Now I have a grown up job I work 7-3:30 it's such a great shift then Neal and I will be off close to the same time!! Best part I get weekends off!! I have a real job!! My first day is tomorrow and I'm pretty nervous but really excited!! :) well I should be going to bed!! Early morning tomorrow!!

getting my life in order!!

so lately i have been looking really hard for a job i have two leads on a job so i am hoping and praying that i get one of them i am super in need of one!! yesterday i opened up a bank account!! woot!!! Monday kaci is in need of one more set of shots and thank god i got to watch my favorite kiddos so i had some money so i can go get her shots puppies are super expensive lol but i love her so much and she is so worth it!! 

oh life!!!

so that bad thing i was talking about was that neal got his car reboed it sucked!!!! he got it out after almost 2000 so needless to say he is moving back home! i don't think it is a bad idea at all this gives us a chance to learn how to save and save some money so maybe we can get married haha so i am staying positive with all of this!! =) i am also looking hard core for a job i have never been so excited about being a grown up!! im really ready for a change in my life!! i need to get a job pay off my car (300$) start paying my car insurance and phone bill!!! ive been a slacker for a long time but no more time to get my butt in gear!!!! =) i love neal and their is nothing more i want in life then to be by his side!! i am ready!! =)

boy does life change in a blink of an eye!!

well this week i learned how much being an adult sucks!!! bills bills bills!!! ill explain more about this in a few days when i know more about whats going on... on a good note i get to hang out with my favorite kiddos!!!

girls suck!

so lately I've been having a hard time with the fact that all my friends have just vanished and ever time i try to hang out they ditch me... it feels pretty fantastic... NOT! girls suck!!oh well I'm moving on in my life and Neal and i are taking our relationship to the next level so i guess it is what it is!! i have no idea what i would do without Neal!! sometime i feel bad for him cuz now he has to listen to me vent ha ha but he is always a good sport about it!! =P

=S

so i put in lots of apps so im hoping one of them will just hire me!!!! i really need a job!!! in other news im still really wedding hungry lol i see rings and i turn into a kid in a candy shop!! lol so i need a job so i can get all my stuff paid off and work towards a future with my man!! =)

Late night posts!

I have a ton of things on my mind right now!! First off i really don't have friends any more.. This makes me sad!! On other news I'm wedding hungry!!! Ya know how most girls are baby hungry!! Well I'm wedding hungry!! I dream about marring Neal and think about it a lot!! An when we talk about it I get so excited!! I want to spend my life with him!! Not one doubt in my mind!!! I am done worrying about what other people think about us! We are both so happy and that's all that matters!! :D sure do love my man!!

AsHlEy MaDe Me =P

so ashley tagged me in a post and it looked fun lol

Here's how it starts:
1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you've tagged them
6. Tag up to 11 people
 so here goes!!!

1. i totally have an obsession with greys anatomy!!! like play list on my ipod and everything!!
2. every time i see my tattoo it makes me want another one! but just one!
3. i am my nanas favorite grandchild!! =D
4. most of my friends are married or getting married!! i only have one friend who is not! (ash thats you!! :)
5. i have an adorable boyfriend and im super wedding hungry!!! 
6. i learned the F word when i was 6!
7. i think shoes are over rated!! i love going bare foot!!
8. the name kevin makes me giggle and gives me some random need to say it like this... kkkkeeeevvviiiiinnnn!!!
9. i pretended to sneeze one a girl at a concert once just to get closer to the stage!
10. looking at stars is the best thing in the world to me! no matter how cold it is! i find it so peaceful 
11. im terrified of clowns!! 

these are the questions ashley gave me...

  1. What genre of music do you hate the very most?  neals!! haha metal is not one i like at all!! 

2. Do you have a favorite breed of dog? (If you're a cat person, insert accordingly.) i love yorkies and chihuahuas!! kaci is a great mix of both!! 
3. What was your favorite grade in school? prolly 12th cuz i was never there!!
4. What food could you never live without?COLD STONE!!
5. If you had the chance to move ANYwhere you wanted, but it required you to leave your extended family behind, would you still move?  no my nana is way to cute to leave behind!!
6. What is your dream job?  to be a teacher and hang out with cute kids all day!!
7. What would you say your favorite era is? I.e. 20's, 40's, 70's? 90s!!! good old days!!! tv shows were amazing!!!
8. What song would you say currently describes your life?  jon mclaughlin- beautiful disaster
9. Do you have a nickname you absolutely hate? lol my great g-ma used to call me hussy but i kinda find it funny!! =P
10. What's a weird hobby/talent you have? lol i don't really have one that im aware of!
11. If you HAD to choose a favorite basketball team, who would you choose and why? celtics because you've brain washed me =P

   

no job =/

ugh so I've been looking for a job so i can pay off my car and get new tires for it and possibly move out!! ahh its so frustrating cuz no where is hiring i really want a job with kids or animals or anything besides fast food but at this point im desperate maybe i could work at taco time again as much as i hated it i was a pretty awesome taco maker =P i just really want a job so i can take life head on im sick of being a bum!! i never want to be that girl that depends on my man to do everything!! i want to be able to help!! i want to start a life with Neal cuz he is my everything!! so im hoping i can find a good job soon!!! ok well that's all for now!! =)

LoVe!•!•!•!

Oh my I adore him!! I've never fell so hard for someone he is so easy to be with I really do see myself with him forever!! <3 he makes my world go round!! I love him more then anything!! We have been having some pretty deep conversations about the future lately and honestly I'm not scared or nervous about it at all!! With time it will come!! <3 for Neal I'd wait forever!! I know this is so mushy but I can't help it I love him so much and I'm so thankful for him and all that he does!! I know I'll always have a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold!! I love you Neal thank you for making everything so much better!!! I'd follow you anywhere!! <3