ThAnKfUl

i am so thankful for everyone in my life!! i have so many things to be thankful for!! my family is amazing and i have the best friend a girl could ask for!! First off i want to thank my mom for always being there for me she is such an amazing person i am proud to call her my mom! my dad is pretty fantastic too we might not always get along but i do love him alot!! i am so thankful for my brothers!! they have taught me so much! i was lucky enough to be invited to homo thanksgiving this year and to see all the amazing things that Jesse has done, to give everyone somewhere to go just blows my mind!! he is truly amazing!! and Jake wow he is amazing too!! he has the biggest heart and cares so much i look up to him so much!! i am so blessed to have them as my brothers!! i am thankful for Jamie terry! he is the my brother from another mother ha ha i honestly am thankful to have him as part of my family!! I'm so thankful for amber smith she is my sister she has been there for me always even through the times where i swear my brain just fell out i am so thankful for her!! she has no idea how much i look up to her! amber if you read this you are so amazing in everything you do you truly have helped me with so much in my life!! i love you!! Now is the part that i am getting teary with!! my Ashley... Ashley i cant even begin to tell you how thankful i am for you! you do so much for me some of it i don't even think you realize! you are truly the most amazing person in my eyes you do anything you can to help any one who needs it you blow my mind i cant thank you enough for making me truly think about my engagements and helping me realize how wrong they really were!! you have never judged me and i cant tell you how much that means to me!! when i feel like i have nothing and no one on my side your always there!! you have been there for me for years almost 15 lol I'm so thankful your in my life and i cant thank you enough for all you have done for me!!  my family and friends mean the world to me there are so many more people that have touched and blessed my life!! I'm even thankful for all the bad things Ive been through they made me who i am today and Ive learned so much from it!! so to everyone in my life i love you and I'm thankful or each and every one of you!!!     i almost forgot i am thankful for crossfit no matter how bad it hurts it is changing my life and I'm so ready for it!!!!

oh GoSh

wow what a week! I've found out a lot of random crap this week mostly that exs are just lots of drama ha ha thank god i have someone who keeps my mind off that with out even trying! =) i have been through a lot in my past with guys but all the bad stuff Ive really learned a lot from so honestly i am thankful for my past, but so looking forward to my future!! I'm looking for a job!! i really want/need one! i have been doing awesome at crossfit and I'm trying so hard just got to keep it up! well I'd love to type forever but its crossfit time woot!!

Me!

So as most of you know I've been trying to loose weight!! It makes me feel so good to go work out and it really is helping!! I'm so ready to be skinny!!! I don't think I'm huge or anything like that but I've always been bigger then the skinny mini girls and honestly it's the one thing that makes me SO insecure!! It's hard being a big girl I don't talk about it much but it's really hard!! It's mostly in my mind but I can't help but think what if I was skinny or what if I looked like that? What would be different would I still have gone for the douche bags I uses to go for? Would I be where I am now? It's been hard growing up bigger I mean getting called fat all the time it sucks there for I'm doing something about it I'm done feeling like I'm not as good as other girls cuz I'm not a size 0 so I'm doing crossfit I'm not sure if you can tell or not but I'm down 13 lbs 25 more to go for me to be thrilled at where I'm at!! :) I know I can do this!! :) time for me to change for the better!!!

my ashley!!

haha sorry ashley i know you read my blog i just needed to blog about you!!! you are the best friend a girl could ask for i would be married and divorced twice if it wasnt for you bringing me back to reality!! you such an amazing person!! honestly your a great influence on me!! thank you for all of the adventures we have even if we don't have friends i still think we are fun!! =)

puppy madness!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have a new baby girl!!! a little lab puppy she is so damn cute!!!! we named her odette!!! like princess odette off of swan princess =P i think she is the cutest thing ever when ever i have a bad day she cuddles with me and i feel all better =) she is amazing!!!!  i love my baby girl!!

HE'S MORE OF A MAN THEN YOU'LL EVER BE AND I'M MORE OF A WOMAN THEN YOU'LL EVER GET!

I'm so friggin bugged its crazy!!! why cant he leave me alone... he is not my thing to take care of anymore!! im over him im moving on to much better things!! i don't want an guy that cant put anything but himself first!! i can do so much better hell i deserve so much better then that!! all he ever did was put me down and make my life hell i am going to get someone so much better!!! =) he is gone im hoping he will move far away i may get my wish haha i sure hope so!! =P i wish nothing bad on him but i do wish he would just leave me the hell alone i put up with way to much of his shit so now that im gone he realizes what he let walk away!!!

I'm so much happier without him i feel great and take every day as it comes!! im doing great looking for a good job and hanging out with my best friend all the time. its nice to feel like i have a life again!! =) im glad i left him and i thank god every freakin day that i don't deal with that shit anymore!!!!! =) ok im done bitching now!! =) sorry for those who read this lol =P

well then...

as most of you already know im single yet again!!! yup engagement off! turns out he is just not right for me. nothing against him but im so glad im done with that!! i think the hardest part was leaving his family!! i loved his parents they were so great!!!
   I am so much closer to my family now!! me and my dad actually laugh again!!! its so much fun i love it i have the best family in ever!!! =P
   I feel good about myself again im finding guys that like me and tell me how much fun i am and im back to fun me!!! it feels amazing to have people telling me im pretty!! Im so glad im back to feeling pretty im working out and getting ready even if im not doing anything!!! =)
   My life is changing at first it was really hard to loose jordan cuz i felt like i was loosing everything at once first my dog now my fiance, but im feeling really confident in the fact that i made the right choice not just because he wont leave me alone but im finding i laugh like i used to i have friends like i used to i have my family back!!! I made him my whole world and he made no one else in it!! im glad i was strong enough to get out of it and im so so so thankful for ashley anderson  i don't know what you do lady but when im in a bad spot you can pull me back!! no matter what you are my best friend!!! and thank you to amber smith!! you showed me how bad it really was!! and last but not least a big thanks to my family for putting up with my shit!!! i love you guys so much!!!!! day by day it gets easier and better! i hope nothing but the best for him!! i have no bad feeling towards him! but im so glad im out of it!! on to a guy who can see what i truly am!! =)