new news!!!

so this month i have gotten some news that at first was really hard to think about!! but i think it is settled with me now and now im excited!!! haha i bet your all thinking im pregnant hahaha nope no baby in my belly!!! but it does have to do with a baby!!! about a month ago one a Wednesday neal got a call from someone he used to date she said i need to talk to you so he went and talked to her and she told him that she had a kid. time added up when they were together.. so he came to my house and told me the news. At first i broke down and couldn't stop crying... i asked him where that left us and he said " sam we are still getting married you are the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with" so of course i cried more!!!! the thought kept rolling into my head of him being with someone else and the thought of him holding his baby that i didn't have a part of making.. it hurt... but after about an hour of crying i started laughing uncontrollably he asked what was so funny and i told him we could totally be on the maury show!!!! ( i've always wanted to be on that show cuz i think its really funny!!!) he then started laughing too!!! then he asked if i was mad so i told him the truth "im sad but not mad it was your past i cant be mad at something in your past"!! we both told each other how much we love each other and hugged for a long time!!! we got him in for a paternity  test and waited about two weeks for the results they came back and sure enough neal has a little girl!! we got to meet her on friday she is adorable!!!! neal and i are together in this!!! i am proud to be a stepmom and i love neal with my whole heart!!! i know we can get though this together i am so thankful for neal and i am excited for the challenges that are going to be down the road. no matter what its neal and i forever!!! i love my fiance!!! i cant wait to marry him!!! <3

sage 4 months old

so i have been looking for a new job for what feels like forever!!! the search is over!! i am now a teachers aide for a kindergarten class for a school in American Fork!!!!! im so excited!!! i think this will be a job that im great and and one that i'll love!!! what im even more excited for is that this will help me and neal be able to get to our goals faster!!! im hoping we can either move up our wedding date up or at least get an apartment and move out sooner!!!!! yay for a job!!!! im so thankful that i have a man in my life that supports me in everything i do!! i love him with all of my heart!!!!! he is my best friend and i cant wait to marry him!!!!!

R.I.P. hayhay

today it has been one year since i lost my little life saver hayley!!

she saved me countless times!!! im so thankful that i had her in my life!! today has been pretty hard to think about a year ago tonight she started seizing on my floor i was so scared!!! i remember jake (my brother) coming to my rescue and telling me it was going to be ok and all i could say was 'i was so scared i didn't know what to do' i remember seeing the life fade out of her adorable brown eyes... when mom and dad went to get clothes and shoes on they told me to stay with her so i held her and told her thank you for all that she did for me with out her i have no idea where my life would be now.. honestly i think i would be hooked on hard drugs without a family and in a really dark place!! thanks to hazerbeebum i am home with my loving family the most amazing man by my side and getting married in april!!! life has changed for the better and i really do think hayley had everything to do with that so thank haybay miss and love you hope heaven is great!!! <3

im engaged!!!!!!

ahhh sorry this is a little late but neal proposed!!!!!!! he asked me on my birthday it was amazing as a little girl i used to dream about getting asked on my birthday so it was perfect!!! we had some problems with the ring so we took the first one back and went to Zales and found an amazing ring i love it!!!!!!! im so excited to marry neal and spend the rest of my life with him!!!!! <3

this was the first ring....

this is the new ring!!

 i might have got my dog boots... =P

i just wrote a really not so happy blog so i want to say how much i love neal stokes he is the best thing thats ever happened to me he always knows just what to say to make me feel so much better! i have no idea what i would do without him!!! i cant wait to spend forever with him!!!! baby you me together forever!!! im so blessed to have you by my side!!! i love you so much!

i had to get it off my chest...

so i got fired... my boss was such an ass though so im ok with it!! but i am looking for another job cuz i really want to keep saving for a wedding and a new car!! im really excited for what i think i have in store for me this week!! im very hopeful at least!! =P in other news my ashley is coming home in 18 days!!!!!! and she gets to stay for nine days!!!!!!! im so excited i cant wait to see her!!!!!!!!! ahhhh 3 days till my birthday!! i'm pretty excited about it but not as excited as i usually am!! i think its crazy i'm going to be 20!!! i feel so old!! i am also holding alot of guilt this year.. last year on my birthday i made a really big mistake and i really hurt my family!!! i still hear about it every once and a while but with how bad i made them feel i felt a ton worse!!! it killed me what i did to them i wish they could feel my heart break every time someone brings it up!! i know that i came back and now i have my family back stronger then ever and the most amazing man by my side but i still feel so bad!! to any one i hurt last year i am so so so sorry!! i hate when they bring it up now because it was such a hard time for me to think about now i have no clue what was going through my mind!! but every time someone brings it up i just keep my head down cuz im not really sure what else to say i know my mom and dad see how much i still feel guilty about it cuz every time it comes up mom looks at me to see if im ok and i just give a little smile cuz if not im gonna cry!! neal always squeezes my hand when it comes up and thats one of the many reasons i love him so much!! just looking at him i know my future is going to be amazing!! i know ashley always looks at me too to let me know the past is the past and make sure im ok im so glad i have her!! she has helped me so much more then i could ever tell her!! i just really wish it would never come up and i know that it was my mistake so i should own up to it but i feel like i already have!! im so glad i am out of that situation now and that my family and best friend and amazing dog got me out of it!!! hayley made it alot easier to leave and try to start new!! she waited tell i was home and safe to die and i cant thank her enough for waiting she saved me!! im so thankful that my life has become a million times better and that i have the most amazing man by my side to make me want to be better and try as hard as i can to do my best in everything i do!!! i cant believe i have a man as amazing as him!!! im so blessed with each and every day!!  im so excited for our future together!! im sorry for venting but its been on my chest for a while now so i needed to! i love my family!!! im so thankful for all the blessing ive gotten in my life!!

hey there!! well i haven't blogged FOREVER!!! sorry about that!! my life has totally taken off in a good way lol! i have really exciting news so exciting that i turn into a little school girl every time i talk about it!!!! neal and i have been talking about getting married!!!! ahhhhh im so excited to be able to spend the rest of my life with the man i love!!! I'm pretty sure we are thinking sooner then later! we were a little wiry about our finances for a wedding but my family has offered to help witch is amazing shows just how friggin awesome my family is!!! haha now just to wait tell he pops that question lol :P but wedding wise im thinking something easy maybe at a church or something! no temple wedding though cuz first off i cant! second off i want my family there!! so maybe if we want to down the line we will get sealed. but ahh im so excited i love neal with all of my heart!! i honestly cant see me without him anymore!!! i am so in love with him!!