ok, so i know i don't blog much!! this blog is very serious! yes it totally has to do with religion and gays!! i honestly hope my in laws read this, Hopefully they can see that this is how i feel and what i believe .... so its no secret they i have a tattoo (want more) have my nose pierced, cuss like a sailor and drink better then a man! (thank you thank you!) i am not religious at all!!! (surprise...no) i feel so out of place sometimes with Neals family they are the opposite of what he is!! i know a lot of LDS members are not supporters of gays and that is their choice, that they will have to deal with in the end. but to feel like they are a better person then someone that is gay pisses me off to no end!!! i am really worried about having children because i know this is how his family is if i have a gay child i think we would run into a huge problem (i am seriously a mama bear i will tare you apart if you hurt my babies) i am one of those people that have no idea how you can base your life on a book ... seriously ...  i just don't get it i don't understand how a religion makes you a better person or your marriage right or wrong or better because you went through a temple... seriously makes no fucking sense!!! i had someone IN neals family tell me that i was missing out in life because i didn't have religion in my life and that my marriage could be so much stronger if i went through the temple...  how dare you!! i have lived my life i have been through so much more then you know!! but i have actually LIVED!!! i have had shitty relationships i have gotten so drunk that i threw up in neals room and blamed it on him!(hahaha) i have lived!!! i have had bad and good but it made me who i am today!!! i've lived life to do what i want and see and try what i wanted in life!! i think sex before marriage is smart.. sorry if that grosses you out but honestly i want to know what im going to get for the rest of my life!! (lol sorry that one is a little gross) i think people should live together a little before they get married!! i totally respect people with a religion.. good for you but for now and maybe forever i don't want to be in just one... i have my beliefs and believe in god but other then that... not much! i would not want to believe in a god that splits two people in love or a family up because they didn't go through a temple. I honestly don't believe that!! Sorry for the rant i have just been super bugged about it lately!! Neals family is absolutely amazing just not what i am used to it is honestly a learning experience and i think it will be forever! i am friends with very few of them on facebook because they don't agree with my views about equality or pro choice ( i don't mention pro choice much cuz i know it is a hard subject) and they have deleted me or taken something over a line and made me cry about something. I wish they could see why i feel the way i feel about these subjects but i know they would just judge me or take it the wrong way. I'm not sure if it is really worth it to say my opinions when they are all talking about theirs because i just seem to make someone mad for feeling they way i feel! i do have a personality that i fight for what i believe in and i don't mind talking about it but i am never going to change the way i feel i have gotten my opinion by the way i have lived life and the people i have met along the way!   ok so to end up the rant i love all of neals and my big family one day ill be understood and if not that is ok too! no matter what we are family now it is my turn to learn how to give more of my self and the times i need to bite my tongue till it bleeds!!