i might have got my dog boots... =P

i just wrote a really not so happy blog so i want to say how much i love neal stokes he is the best thing thats ever happened to me he always knows just what to say to make me feel so much better! i have no idea what i would do without him!!! i cant wait to spend forever with him!!!! baby you me together forever!!! im so blessed to have you by my side!!! i love you so much!

i had to get it off my chest...

so i got fired... my boss was such an ass though so im ok with it!! but i am looking for another job cuz i really want to keep saving for a wedding and a new car!! im really excited for what i think i have in store for me this week!! im very hopeful at least!! =P in other news my ashley is coming home in 18 days!!!!!! and she gets to stay for nine days!!!!!!! im so excited i cant wait to see her!!!!!!!!! ahhhh 3 days till my birthday!! i'm pretty excited about it but not as excited as i usually am!! i think its crazy i'm going to be 20!!! i feel so old!! i am also holding alot of guilt this year.. last year on my birthday i made a really big mistake and i really hurt my family!!! i still hear about it every once and a while but with how bad i made them feel i felt a ton worse!!! it killed me what i did to them i wish they could feel my heart break every time someone brings it up!! i know that i came back and now i have my family back stronger then ever and the most amazing man by my side but i still feel so bad!! to any one i hurt last year i am so so so sorry!! i hate when they bring it up now because it was such a hard time for me to think about now i have no clue what was going through my mind!! but every time someone brings it up i just keep my head down cuz im not really sure what else to say i know my mom and dad see how much i still feel guilty about it cuz every time it comes up mom looks at me to see if im ok and i just give a little smile cuz if not im gonna cry!! neal always squeezes my hand when it comes up and thats one of the many reasons i love him so much!! just looking at him i know my future is going to be amazing!! i know ashley always looks at me too to let me know the past is the past and make sure im ok im so glad i have her!! she has helped me so much more then i could ever tell her!! i just really wish it would never come up and i know that it was my mistake so i should own up to it but i feel like i already have!! im so glad i am out of that situation now and that my family and best friend and amazing dog got me out of it!!! hayley made it alot easier to leave and try to start new!! she waited tell i was home and safe to die and i cant thank her enough for waiting she saved me!! im so thankful that my life has become a million times better and that i have the most amazing man by my side to make me want to be better and try as hard as i can to do my best in everything i do!!! i cant believe i have a man as amazing as him!!! im so blessed with each and every day!!  im so excited for our future together!! im sorry for venting but its been on my chest for a while now so i needed to! i love my family!!! im so thankful for all the blessing ive gotten in my life!!

hey there!! well i haven't blogged FOREVER!!! sorry about that!! my life has totally taken off in a good way lol! i have really exciting news so exciting that i turn into a little school girl every time i talk about it!!!! neal and i have been talking about getting married!!!! ahhhhh im so excited to be able to spend the rest of my life with the man i love!!! I'm pretty sure we are thinking sooner then later! we were a little wiry about our finances for a wedding but my family has offered to help witch is amazing shows just how friggin awesome my family is!!! haha now just to wait tell he pops that question lol :P but wedding wise im thinking something easy maybe at a church or something! no temple wedding though cuz first off i cant! second off i want my family there!! so maybe if we want to down the line we will get sealed. but ahh im so excited i love neal with all of my heart!! i honestly cant see me without him anymore!!! i am so in love with him!!

2012 much better then 2011

so i do this every so often within every year i take some time out to think about where i am compared to last year..... so last June i was in hell!!! my life was a mess!!! my family knows what im talking about i completely lost myself!! it was a really hard time in my life and i hate even thinking about it i am in such a better place now its crazy!!!! i have Neal by my side and he is a dream come true honestly a night is shinning armor!! i have a job some times i hate it but its a full time job so i am a lot better off there as well!! i have an adorable puppy!! i have Neal's family and i love them so friggin much they are all so fun to hang out with!!!

So I haven't blogged for a really long time sorry bout that!! But life is going pretty good!! Neal and I are doing very good still I love him so much it's crazy!!! It blows my mind that I found someone so perfect!! He makes my day every day!!! I would be so lost without him by my side!! With him by my side I know I can take the world on!! I am so lucky and so blessed!! Some times when I think back on my life and when I was going through hard times the person I always turned to is Neal!! For the past three years almost four he has been there for me always and I know he always will be!! I got him a really good birthday gift and I am thrilled for him to see what I got him I did kinda go overboard with it but he deserves it with how much he does and how hard he works!!! It's the least I can do!! I am having a really hard time not telling him what I got him but it's so going to be worth the wait!! In other news my best friend Ashley is in Chicago!! She is being a nanny for a year! So far she is loving it and I couldn't be more proud!! Our goodby was really sad!!! I totally cried!! It's crazy I mean we have been in this town for 20 years so her leaving for a year was way sad but It still feels like shes here lol a few days ago I was like I need to go shopping maybe Ashley will wanna go... Oh wait lol she is a little far away!! But we still talk all the time and that's good and she is doing great there!!!! :) ok well I think that about all for tonight I'm friggin tired!! Peace out girl scouts~-~-~-~

job!

i don't have much time but i thought i should tell you how work went!! i think it went pretty good its a lot of stuff to learn but i think i can do it!! i hate having to wake up so early it is kicking my but!!! at least i have a good full time job!! well im off to work ill explain more about my job later!!

Yay life!!

wow im sorry its been so long since ive updated this!! My life has been a little crazy!! I'll back track a little!! We got Neal all moved in with his parents he is settled in pretty good! I love Neal's family so this isn't near as hard as I thought it was going to be!! Kaci is living with me!!! I really love her being here!! She is getting bigger and so is her personality :) I was putting job apps in like crazy looking for a good job I tried a place called dialogue marketing it's a call center! Within a few days I got called for an interview went to the interview and got a second interview that day!!! The second one didn't go near as good as the first but I guess I did better then I thought cuz I got the job!!!!! Now I have a grown up job I work 7-3:30 it's such a great shift then Neal and I will be off close to the same time!! Best part I get weekends off!! I have a real job!! My first day is tomorrow and I'm pretty nervous but really excited!! :) well I should be going to bed!! Early morning tomorrow!!