today carol died. i am only posting this for one person i don't talk to... i am completely heart broken over this!

jumbled messy update!

so turns out all those times i freaked out because i thought i was pregnant were a waste of time... it is highly unlikely that will be part of my future. I am trying my best to come to terms with it but it is one of those things that is super hard because i never thought that would be me... its okay though ill just be the best mom i can be to sage and get lots of animals and be the crazy animal lady!! I'm already half way there though, with the dog and the guinea pig.
    we had to put Iggy down last week... seriously the hardest thing Neal and I have ever had to do! I am so glad i have such a great strong husband to lean on!
   i am loving my job i work with Jesse at IMS, i do QA. it works really well around our sage schedule. speaking of sage she is getting so big!! she is going to be 4 at the end of this month!! i cant believe how fast she has grown! she now loves all things barbies and comes up with the craziest stories! she is so perfect!!
   sorry this is such a jumbled mess of thoughts but that is my mind right now!

well fuck you too...

i am so applauded by the choices that the LDS church has made. i can honestly say i have never believed that some men ( and only men..) talked to god with like a direct call... um no.. well they decided that god said, "gays and their kids cant be a part of the church" .... ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! this is insane to me!! i was always taught to love your family and not to judge one another now that is what the church is teaching.... my heart is so heavy for all of the gays this will hurt and the families it will tear apart!!! i will never raise my kids with hate, so i guess this religion is out....

marriage equality

(sorry this is so late)
      so the supreme court decided that marriage is now equal! i could not be happier about this if i tried!! as soon as i found out i broke down and cried, i knew that my children could grow up in a world where they would not know the difference between gay marriage and straight marriage. they would grow up in a world where they could love who ever the hell they want (and that is something Neal and i would support fully)!!! i will always remember June 26th 2015 as the day the marriage finally became equal.

so turns out i have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) don't know what it is..... well neither did i! so here is a little over view.....
        
Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a common endocrine system disorder among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have enlarged ovaries that contain small collections of fluid — called follicles — located in each ovary as seen during an ultrasound exam.
Infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods, excess hair growth, acne, and obesity can all occur in women with polycystic ovary syndrome. In adolescents, infrequent or absent menstruation may raise suspicion for the condition.
The exact cause of polycystic ovary syndrome is unknown. Early diagnosis and treatment along with weight loss may reduce the risk of long-term complications, such as type 2 diabetes and heart disease

    yeah so this has been fun to try to understand... i am taking a pill that should help me with the symptoms and hopefully help me to be able to have kids....
   this has been so fucking hard for me! first off the pills KILL me i throw up all of the time!!! second off it is always on my mind am i going to be able to have kids?!?!?!
    i feel so bad for neal he is really the only one i have to talk to about this plus he has to deal with the crazy mood swings lol! i feel like this is making me depressed i feel like im in a black hole sometimes! i have no friends i have no job i am sick all of the time... is this what life is going to be for me? i just feel really lost right now...    sorry for the negative post!

my poor baby!

my poor puppy had a bump on her bum last week i noticed it on Wednesday night and called the vet first thing on Thursday morning so we took her in and she had one of her anal sacs rupture (gross i know) she was in a lot of pain (it only burst at the vet) after the vet left the room i cried a lot first off that vet office always brings back rough memories. second off kaci is my baby!!! neal and i got her when we were dating and she has been our lil baby ever since!! she is on antibiotics and pain meds for a week and that should fix it i am glad she is ok! she has been really sleepy and a little out of it because of the meds but is feeling a lot better!! ok sorry for the rant about my dog!!

yay

yay gay marriage is legal in utah and four other states!!!! wahooo!!!! we all knew this was going to happen! i am so overjoyed by this i am so excited for everyone to have what neal and i have... a chance to be married and do all the things married people do!!i am sure everyone will have their own opinion im just hoping everyone can stay nice!! including myself!!